Winding Down

I leave Uganda at the end of April, a month that snuck up on me way too quickly and is already here. On what was intended to be my last day in Mbale, an eastern town where I was serving for a short visit, I became ill. I am now alright but spent unexpected weeks sick. The most serious disappointment is that my last weeks to serve the Uganda community will not be fully utilized. I think I will be well enough to travel and fulfill my plans for one of the two places I had intended to visit. I don’t feel fully ready to leave Uganda just yet and wish I could stay to serve just a bit longer but at the same time, need to come home to prepare for the next stage in life – grad school.

The News

So why have I been out of communication for about a month now? What gives? Here’s the story: when I was working with the NGO, I was given maybe 10 hours worth of work a week when I was supposed to be sitting in the office for at least 25 hours a week. So that meant plenty of internet communication time. My time with the NGO is now finished and I now have to use internet cafes, for which I have yet to develop a consistent pattern. Also, my mother was recently visiting and during her time here, my last priority was getting online. So, life post-NGO still in Uganda. . .

I have moved into my 3^rd home (4^th if you count the first hotel) which is by far my favorite. The landlord’s family is wonderfully kind, generous, and welcoming. My kitchen area is not finished so I am ever welcome in their home, invited for tea, etc. More gushy details likely to come since I absolutely love these people and my new home.

My mom left Monday after an almost 2 week visit and we had a fantastic time. Her visit gave me the chance to go around and see the country, which I was too occupied to do before. It was really nice to have family, some one I love and left safe with, and be able to show some one else around, reminding myself how much I’ve learned. We got to see quite a lot: a national park, the zoo twice, the Nile from 4 different angles, and the equator. But I became less patient with the constant onslaught of male attentions while she was here. I feel like I can handle it, or ignore it, but I don’t want anyone else to have to endure such harassment or have my mom witness it happen to me. I found a huge LA-attitude coming out of me. I don’t like the harsh reactions such treatment brings out of me but I don’t want anyone harassing my mom just because she’s white and a woman either. She was older than them so they should have been more respectful by their own sense of cultural morality. So, anyway, I hope I can go back to ignoring, which I suppose is the only virtuous option left when surrounded by such behavior. These things make me think about how much of history is lost in women’s silence. We experience so much of the violence in this world yet sit quietly on our grievances out of a desire to maintain our own values.

Service-wise I am now available fulltime for the Faith, which brings me great joy. My first free weekend, I spent in Entebbe (airport city) as a “resource person.” And not this week, but the next, I will go to Mbale (9 hrs away) to assist in the launching of their first intensive teaching effort. Then there are two more communities I may get to visit and assist after the Fast.

Well, I am sorry to not be more thorough but life in the off line world carries on and it will be hard to spend a lot of time online now that I’m not in an office all day. Just know that I’m happier.

What an amazing and blessed weekend! The Baha'i community of Uganda received a visitor from the Baha'i World Center who met with the institutions and leaders through out the country, to help us better understand our role and how to successfully utilize our resources. This wonderful woman and blessing is a Kenyan and it was even more of an honor to host a fellow East African, particularly a Kenyan, who was able to join us for prayers for Peace in Kenya in the House of Worship.

Since I have arrived in Uganda, the majority of my service with the Baha'is has focused on a junior youth group in a school outside the city for disadvantaged students and in another just-beyond-the-city village where we have a new and very enthusiastic growing community in need of support and the development of human resources so that they will soon be able to carry out their own activities. In this time, I have learned a great deal about how you mobilize a community, develop human resources, and grassroots organizing. This new community's great success in not only growing but immediately involving individuals in community life has caught the attention of the nation.

During our weekend training, other communities in need of help were given to tools to ask for it. As an individual capable and willing to move and visit different areas over the weekends, I was asked to join our neighboring cluster in the next few weekends. I can't express how happy it makes me that I have been given the opportunity and been welcomed to assist various clusters in advancing the progress of their communities. I have learned sooo much in the past 6 months, both here in Uganda and in Los Angeles, and love doing the work needed to help build a better, more unified world and in my short time here, want to help the communities I can in a meaningful way. It is such a blessing to have had this opportunity and to have developed my own skills in serving the Cause. At this point, I feel ready to go anywhere with confidence in my ability to serve my community, wherever I might find myself.

Living in Africa: Flirtation or Commitment?

With my time here in Uganda more than half over and only 3.5 months left, my mind is now swimming with my post-Uganda life options. I feel like I’m ready to leave Uganda and there are some things that are appealing about going back to Los Angeles but for how long will that truly feel satisfying? I’d love to get my own summer sublet and do freelance work for a few months, have my own kitchen and have access to a gym again but I wonder; would I fall in love with my grown up LA life or would I just start planning the next adventure? And what if my hopes and dreams for LA crash and burn, as hopes and dreams can. If being ready to leave doesn’t fully equate being ready to go back, then where is it I’m hoping to go?

To answer that question, I must look at another. This whole living in Africa deal I’ve been on for half of the past three years – is this just a temporary flirtation or am I hooked for life? It seems that while living in Africa, I get frustrated by so many things but as soon as I go back to the States, actually even in the European airports, I feel uneasy with all the sights, things, sounds, and things, so many things and people doing things and talking about topics I had forgotten existed, that I literally have trouble eating. It’s like I can’t take any of it in and then I only want to go back, as frustrating as it all was. And then there are the moments here, the few moments left in the world that I consider magical, that make the frustrations not matter at all. Often a long ride along some trail with greenery overflowing into the road, or a late-night motor-taxi ride under a clear sky, or a successful day of teaching, or a meaningful conservation shared with a stranger, or witnessing a spontaneous outbreak of dance and song. Is it possible that my belief in magic, or moments that remind you of how amazing life is as some might put it, only lives in Africa? And if so, does that mean I should stay? And what about the frustrations? I don’t like being a cranky person. If I had my own place, a job I in which I managed myself, and my own vehicle, would the frustrations lessen? Rather than a daily irritation grinding against my character, would they be reduced to weekly encounters? Or maybe even monthly? Could the magic eventually fade here too?

Well, I have a fantastic offer to work in Namibia (northwest neighbor to South Africa) with an amazing organization. My role would actually be dignified, utilizing my skill set, and advancing my experience in a huge changing-the-world kinda way. Initially, I’d stay with a great family but once I got started on my work, there would be enough for me to get my own place if I felt like I was too enclosed with the full house. If I did this, my career would be established. I could probably go anywhere I wanted afterwards, if I wanted to leave that is. I would have a huge amount of responsibility in a major international organization. The deal would be to delay grad school for a year, work in Namibia for a year, then get the masters, and carry on from there. The question is, do I want another year in Africa? Would I face the same frustrations? Probably not, but probably just different ones. And would it be worth it? Most likely, incredibly so. So what’s the hang up? I want to be in LA for awhile before running off again. What I’m not sure about is for how long this LA-craving will take. Will two months home cut it? Do I need the full year? And if I do take the Namibia option, I will fall even deeper into this living in Africa trend, getting closer to a life-long habit. A big part of me just wants to settle in one place for awhile and start the habits one has when she is in her home. So I’m hesitant to move to a place that won’t be a long-term home. But then again, I have to move anyway for grad school so either way, I won’t have a serious home for a few years to come. But, then on the other side of the argument is that the Baha’i community is my shelter anywhere in the world and service with them tends to make everywhere home. So, do any of these questions and anxieties really matter?

Junior Youth Virtue Skits

My Junior Youth of Glory for Distinction Secondary School in Uganda put together a few brief skits demonstrating the virtues we have discussed in our group. As promised, I am sharing the videos with the world. The sound quality might be a bit low on these because I'm still working on the art of projecting with the youth but just watch my intro video to get the summarized plot lines. Enjoy! And forgive my loud interjections in the video of "Louder! Face the audience!" I really wasn't yelling. Promise.

Animator's Explanation/Introduction of Activity


Virtue Skit #1: Kindness

Turn up the volume on your speakers for this one! Two fueding girls agree to show kindness to each other with the helpful insight of a caring friend.

Virtue Skit #2: Forgiveness

A younger sister has destroyed her brother's things. How will he respond?

Virtue Skit #3: Patience and Empathy

How should a teacher respond to absent-minded student? In scene one, we see the short-tempered and unvirtuous option and in scene two, we see the same characters but both take the virtuous route.

Well done junior youth!

Cat's out of the bag

I'm not in Uganda at this exact moment. I got a really last minute offer to come to LA for a couple weeks to help with some really meaningful projects and the finances worked out, so here I am. I'm going back to Uganda in less than a week and will stay til May. My short visit back has been really fun and an unexpectedly needed break. My projects in LA have run the gammet of hip hop show promotions to trademark filing to founding a school in Liberia to shredding paper on a late Friday night. Having done freelance things here and there for the past year and having a friend who does this for a very successful living, it's helped me realize what kind of career and lifestyle I'm aiming to build. I want a part-time gig with a predictable income that takes up maybe half my time and then I want freelance things on the side for the rest of my time. I could teach a few classes at a high school or GRE math for Kaplan, and then help get projects off the ground with occasional corporate jobs, ie- helping get the best lawyer in town, etc. I would love my predictable job to be a college/career counselor at a city high school.

So that's it. That's my big deam. Half stable and predictable, half taking what fantastic things come by. And having the flexible day hours to take on the projects that really bring me joy. And you know, if that doesn't work out I could always just go get some career-track corporate job in DC once I get my masters.

Flying Grasshoppers: Reflections on One's Life, Its Frustrations and Amazement

Feeling comforted by drinking yogurt out of a plastic bag under equatorial heat. Flying grasshoppers, a local treat, my anxiety as they fly into my hair. My phone refuses to get reception, the internet does not work, I’m communication less in the “black hole,” there is a set schedule at which the power gets shut off, flying grasshoppers have infiltrated my bathroom and hallway, mosquitoes get inside my net, the net isn’t treated, cockroaches die on my floor, a grasshopper was mysteriously killed in the bathroom – lost a leg and now the miniature red ants are slowly taking him away. Did he die at the hands of a fellow grasshopper? Was there a territorial dispute? Or was it a duel over the fairest grasshopper of the compound? Could he have just taken a bad fall? With those wings, one wouldn’t think so. And that wouldn’t explain how he lost his leg. Do grasshoppers have the teeth to bite off eachothers’ limbs? And what do they eat anyway? Why have they taken refuge in my bathroom? And why are some a bright green while others are brown, twig-colored? Can the two different colors of grasshoppers mate? I mean, are they the same species or are they significantly different and it is just my ignorance and fear making me think all flying grasshoppers are the same? The brown ones are usually smaller. Maybe the brown ones are female and green ones are male. Then the murder would make sense because all the ones who have sought refuge near my water heater are a bright green. But then why travel together if the fellow males are likely to turn on one another? Maybe the deceased had betrayed the rules and for the perseverance of the group, he had to die. Or maybe it was a vicious set-up: trap him in an enclosed room and then they all ganged up on this poor guy they never liked anyway.

I feel pity for this dead creature I fear and loath. I feel pity for the mosquito I trapped in a container, only to wait out its death because I never had the courage to kill it directly myself. I pity these small bothersome, anxiety-inducing things yet crave to be far removed from them and live a life without flying grasshoppers aimed at my head or mosquitoes gnawing on my toes yet I can not leave because as bothersome all these miniature beasts are, I would be ever more disturbed to drive a long distance only seeing concrete, high rise buildings, and university buildings with architectural frills thrown about like the ornate decorations of a Christmas tree. I would be ever so grieved if children running and playing didn't freely decorate the town with excited shrills and care free laughter, if instead they were safely locked up in a house or only allowed to play within sight. And even more upset if I wasn't obliged to properly greet every elder as I crossed their path or if my co-workers didn't say their rounds of "Good Morning. How are you?" to every person before sitting down to work. If instead, my personal space was prioritized to the point of no contact with strangers, no shaking of hands, no pleasant smiles from people who only wish to hear that you are well and fine regardless of whether you are an old friend or clearly a foreigner with no relation nearby, then the silence of no mosquitoes near my ear, no grasshoppers flying above head would offer no comfort, only add to an ever increasing silence. . . So I allow my bathroom floor to serve as the murder scene of this poor green creature and my q-tip box to hold villainous mosquitoes hostage and allow my peanut butter jar to become the home and resting place for the lonely ant colony as it seeks refuge from the rain. After all, I too am seeking refuge in a land not my own.

A Week in the Life

As I’ve said, I’m here, have been here, and as a friend just pointed out after seeing some pictures, I seem to be right at home. So what's my life like when I don’t have all my old connections filling up just about every day of the week with projects, meetings, work and such? Well, it’s a good thing I got away so that I could actually get these graduate school applications done. But here we go.

Monday – Wednesday I work 8am to 4pm but usually stay in the office until 6 or 7. Why? Well I used to work on my online econ course but now that it’s finished, I still stick around to work on grad apps or just catch up on personal email.

Thursday is a half day at work so it’s usually errand day, go grocery shopping, copy and email whatever correspondence I’ve gotta get back to the States, etc. Each week it varies but Thursday is the day things get done. Thursday night is devotionals at the Olinga home (NSA member and also where Rachel lives) and I am often the last to leave because I’m busy socializing with Rachel.

Fridays are always rushed because I never spend Thursday planning my junior youth group like I had meant to. So I wake up with not as much sleeping in as I would like for a non-work day. I usually have an errand or two to run or emails to send off, so I go into the office or town for an hour, gather all my materials for my junior youth group and by 11:30am, I’m on my way to Watuba where my jr youth are at Glory for Distinction School and I don’t get back home til 7:30 or 8. It’s a long and dehydrated, but very worth it, day.

Saturdays I’m out in Masoli, another neighboring yet far area where I go for core Baha’i activities. But that’s only for a few hours. Otherwise I relax, spend time with friends, overgroom myself, etc. It’s my off day, if one could say there is one.

Sunday is the day of the week with a regular devotional program in the House of Worship so unless I am sick or so exhausted we might as well call me sick, I go and have a lovely spiritual time. I usually meet a couple new people, have meaningful conversations, and take the day as it comes without excessive plans. I return for an afternoon of mild socializing, chores, or relaxing. It’s a very soothing day.

Variations on this come along, and such is the case now as I am up in Kitgum. So here, I’m just working (full time while I’m on this assignment), grad apping, and attending the occasional gathering of expats. Even though the internet connection is pretty sad, the distance has really helped me focus and pull it together for the applications. I really like it here in the field and am in the brainstorming phase of my scheme to get back up here in 08 and actually use my Social Welfare degree, rather than stay in Kampala just copy editing for six more months. I think 2 months in the field would be perfect. We’ll see what happens.

There are those moments of amazement in life. Midnight the last night of summer camp, as you sing your last song and realize how much you’ve come to love these strangers and can’t remember what you’re life was like a week ago without them. The first time you can ever say “I love you” and mean it. Graduation night, the moment the ceremonies and all the planning is over and you just have the rest of your life with all its possibilities facing you. Or a road trip in the middle of the night, driving, not knowing exactly where you’ll end up, in the craziest hours you could never identify on a clock, you look up in the sky, surrounded by friends who are just crazy enough to have this adventure with you, and breathe it in. Life. It’s a powerful experience and sometimes the excitement, joy, healing, ache, and all of it just makes me pause, and I have to laugh and smile because it’s all too amazing.

Ok, so a little corny or a little more esoteric than I like to get, but as I’m up at almost midnight on a Sunday night because the internet only works after 11pm in our Northern Uganda office and I’m feeling more free than ever, I’m again for what seems like the 3^rd time this week amazed. I’ve had my share of breath-taking moments in my young life but since I’ve been here, every extremity of emotion has visited me and through the highs and the lows, I’m more amazed and awe-struck than ever. This is why I came here. This is why I couldn’t help but be anywhere else. I can’t logically tell anyone why I had to come back but it’s these moments. It’s the experience of life. I feel more alive here. Life isn’t easier, simpler, or less challenging, it’s just more.